


How Lying breaks you

by fickhuck



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Purging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 06:50:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13607889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fickhuck/pseuds/fickhuck
Summary: Brendon misses Ryan. and lies about it.





	How Lying breaks you

**Author's Note:**

> just a short angsty blurb i wrote early in the morning. somewhat based off of personal experiences, but very loosely.

_ I love you. _ The fake words continued to pour out of his mouth, causing a guilty feeling to ripple through his stomach. the words he said so much, but never truly meant. the word he lied to others and himself with. everytime those three words passed his lips,  he felt his heart getting heavier and heavier.

 

there was someone he wanted, but he couldn't have him. this boy in question didn't love him, and never would.

 

every single time Brendon saw Ryan, which really wasn't as often as he would have hoped, he continued to lie to him. yes, he was fine. yes, be was working on another album. no, he wasn't sad. simple things.little things. but one evening, when Brendon was chopping carrots for his dinner; that's when Brendon knew he had to stop lying. 

 

it was tearing him apart from the inside out, slowly killing him. Brendon didn't love his girlfriend, he loved Ryan. he wasn't fine, he was starving himself just so Ryan thought he was beautiful. no, he hadn't made any music since Ryan left, because he didn't want to write about heartbreak and have his fans, his sinners know something was up. and yes, Brendon was sad. he was fucking depressed. and he needed Ryan. but he couldn't have him. Because Ryan left. Ryan had left Brendon and his dreams behind.

 

Ryan had left him. the person he'd loved had left. the person he  **loved** left. and now, he didn't know what to do. 

 

he had no music made, he felt like a failure, he didn't love himself and that showed. Brendon was sure his girlfriend knew, and was going to leave him. 

 

and Ryan had still left.


End file.
